Tool: GINY / GIAM / GIWY
• GINY – Glad I’m Not You
• GIAM – Glad I Am Me
• GIWY – Glad I’m With You
When To Use It: To evaluate your own opinion of someone. To find out what you really think of someone – YOU – how YOU feel about someone. To determine, regardless of what your relationship is, if the person is someone you are glad you are not, you feel good on your own when you think of this person or if you are glad that person walks with you.
CAVEAT: The same person could be each of these things to you depending on the perspective you are taking when you are asking the question.
Why Use It: To be able to honestly admit to yourself what you think and feel about this person, regardless of how you actually speak and act around this person.
How To Use It: Choose your perspective and stick to it – don’t confuse different aspects of the person when you are asking yourself this question.
Who are you being in relationship to this person? For example, using the perspective of an outsider looking at someone they don’t know, who is acting in a way that they personally wouldn’t and identify them as someone they are glad they are not. But, taken from the perspective of this person being their personal friend, they may be able to act this way and the person is still glad they walk with them or from the perspective of a co-worker who simply works side by side with them, observing the actions and being able to accept them for who they are without feeling intense emotions or acting out themselves, and feels glad they are their own person working side by side with this person.
So, pick your perspective and stick to it.
Now ask yourself if this aspect of you, the perspective you chose, would like to engage with this person.
If you hear something like “Yeah, No! or He** No! or No Thanks” then GINY – Glad I’m Not You – is probably where you are.
If you hear “I feel good in my skin right where I am or You be you and I’ll be me or Different strokes for different folks” then GIAM – Glad I Am Me – is probably where you are.
If you hear “You Rock! or I like who I am when I am with you or I love the time I spend with you” then GIWY – Glad I’m With You – is probably where you are.
Now digest which one you chose, based on the perspective you chose it from. How does it feel to “own” that? How does it feel to identify that you feel this way about someone? Are you comfortable with it? Do you BELIEVE it? Does your answer feel right in your body? Or are you uncomfortable? Does emotion rise up when you think about your choice? Does your intensity rise? Do you feel like arguing with this person about your choice? Do you want them to know how you really feel? Are you unsure if perhaps it was just a reaction and perhaps there is more to the person than meets the eye? (this last one is for the really advanced TFYTers!)
These questions are to prompt thoughts that will help you understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling about this person, in order to understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling inside of you – and that is the goal – to become more aware of how you feel so you can begin to control yourself better i.e. Refined Self-Control for Conscious Response-Ability.
Your Benefit: Once you determine your perspective and attitude towards the person, you can begin to assess what your internal messages are and this will clue you in on what you are thinking and how to better handle those feelings. This process will also expose you to some limited beliefs or subconscious defense mechanisms that are holding you back.